Always Say “Yes”… But Know When to Say “No”

I made this statement to a friend over lunch a few months back and we both got a chuckle out of my seemingly contradictory advice. Still, as we talked about it, I explained why I think this is true and a good way to live your life… and it struck me that this could be a good topic for a post. So I’ve had this headline in my drafts folder for months and, as we start the new year, this seemed like a good time to explore this. Let me start with my own genesis of where this idea came from.

A few years ago, I spent a fair amount of time driving and, while I enjoy music, I found that I more enjoyed listening to audio books. Frankly, with our family and work schedules, I don’t make as much time to read as I used to so this afforded me an opportunity to be entertained and to learn. And one day, I found myself with an audio book written by William Shatner (yes, of Captain Kirk and TJ Hooker fame).

My intent here is not to recap Mr. Shatner’s life but I will say that he’s had a diverse and frankly fascinating time on this planet. And in his book, he describes the secret to his success as a simple “I always say ‘yes.'”

Certainly there are limits to what that applies to but the phrase struck me at the time – and still does – as a unique way to approach life. To see everything as a potential opportunity.

Of course, this is where reality comes into play. With finite time and resources, it’s impossible to do everything. But I don’t think that’s what Captain Kirk was saying. I chose to take it as how he views the world… that rather than look upon something new and immediately coming up with all the reasons why you won’t do it, instead approach it with the question of “why not?”

And there will often be very good and compelling reasons why you won’t do something – maybe most things – but I think you should start from the position of the more positive “I could do this” and then see if there are reasons not to instead of beginning with the negative “I shouldn’t do this” and then face the uphill battle of trying to convince yourself otherwise.

I’ve made similar observations before; that our perspective plays a large part in how we approach and interact with our world. That, in turn, influences what our outcomes tend to be. So if you focus on the positive, you typically see more opportunities than if you’re always looking for the negative. The latter might keep you relatively safe, but the former lets you live.

So that’s why I personally try to always say “yes” and then to explore to see if there’s a reason to say “no.” Responding in the affirmative often leads to more experiences and more knowledge and even more turns at bat. You have to be smart about it and pick those opportunities that will be best for you, but we should always be open to the conversation.

When I look back at the most amazing experiences in my life, they all have that in common. They started with me saying “yes” and then following through with that commitment. Sure there are some things I agreed to that, in hindsight, probably weren’t worth the effort but they still made me smarter and more experienced. Similarly, when I think about my regrets, they typically started with a “no”… not asking that girl out, not applying for that job or not raising my hand to help out.

As with all things, there’s a balance to what you can and should take on. What I’m proposing is simply that you approach opportunities with the attitude of “why not” – and then honestly answer that – and see if you don’t find that you’re living a more interesting and engaging life.

Know that I’m pulling for you!