The ABC’s of Good Networking

With the recent start of a new year, many of us will have made resolutions on things they want to change in their lives and are hard at work on them or, perhaps, they’ve started to slip by the wayside. Still, I’d like to propose a belated resolution that I think will benefit all of us – to intentionally make an effort to meet with more people.

It’s funny but for many years I ignored doing this very thing. I worked at a good-sized company and even had visions of retiring from there in a couple of decades. When I eventually did leave, what I discovered was that I was pretty well-connected inside my old company but I had let most of my external network atrophy.

Sure, I had friends and family I was close to but, from a professional perspective, it was almost like I was just moving to the area and starting over. It was a pretty daunting mountain to face to build a business network.

Personally, I do enjoy meeting people and hearing their stories, and I’ve learned how to be reasonably comfortable in a room full of strangers. But for many of us, this is not something that comes naturally or is even something seek out. It’s easy to make excuses about why we don’t have time for this but I think a good portion of our hesitancy stems from not knowing how to start and keep a conversation going with someone we don’t know.

Moreover, and as I learned the hard way, having a network is a really useful thing to have in place especially before you need it. Not only does it widen your “circle of influence” but it gives you more practice at both telling your stories and – more importantly – listening to others tell theirs.

I could make a much lengthier case for why networking is important but I wanted this post to address more of the tactical. The “how do I talk to someone” part that, frankly, was one of the biggest hurdles I faced when I started to do this. But then someone gave me a great roadmap and I wanted to share it with you – Rock Robinson (President of Rock SOLID Sales Consulting).

I’ve heard Rock offer his how to approach networking advice a few times now and it is beautiful in its simplicity. Rock is a very successful sales executive and he comes across as – and truly is – a genuinely good person who is sincere about wanting to get to know people better.

Over the years, Rock’s developed a series of questions – his “Fab 5” as he calls it – that allow him to learn about someone without putting them in an awkward or defensive place. By intentionally choosing how we phrases his questions, Rock allows a conversation to flow in a very natural and comfortable way for everyone. And, as an active listener, the answers he hears gives him numerous opportunities to look for points of connection which, in turn, builds the relationships that are the foundation of business.

Here are Rock’s “Fab 5” questions:

1. “Born & Raised?”
   Notice, Rock doesn’t ask where someone lives today. That’s a fine question but it can be answered in a succinct way that doesn’t offer much insight into the other person. Instead, by phrasing his question about where someone has come from, it’s more open-ended and Rock often ends up with multiple places as someone recounts their journey… which then gives him more opportunities to connect with the other person. It’s a very soft and very easy way to start the conversation.
   
2. “Family?” or “Tell me about your family.”
   And it’s important to say it just this way. If, for example, you were to say “Are you married?” you might end up putting someone on the defense unintentionally. Perhaps they aren’t married or maybe they’re going through a messy divorce. Instead, by asking about family, it lets the other person share who they think of as family – spouse and kids, parents, nieces & nephews. Heck, Rock once had someone to tell him about their dogs… which turned into an awesome connection as Rock’s a dog guy too.
   
3. “School?”
   Rock’s careful to never say “Where did you go to college?” as many people never have gone. In fact, the majority of Rock’s high school class went straight to work right after graduation so he knows well that attending college should not be assumed. Again, by leaving things more general like this, you allow others to respond in a way that reflects their journey. It may be college or high school or trade school or even military service.
   
4. “Tell me about your work journey”
   Someone could have had a career in corporate America or spent their time working in a small family business; or someone could be close to retirement or they may just be starting out. Without making any assumptions or setting any expectations, this question lets people tell you about their journey and offers a plethora of possible connection points because of it being so open-ended.
   
5. “Tell me about your passion.” or “When you’re not working or with your family, what are you passionate about?”
   Rock’s final question is arguably the most powerful as it opens the conversation up to go in a completely new direction. Moreover, by speaking to someone’s passion, you are finding out about something that is truly important to them. If you are genuine in wanting to connect, finding out this kind of information offers great insights and an opportunity to start to forge a true bond.
   
   BONUS TIP: As a sales leader, Rock also knows the importance of making a lasting impression so another bit of advice he shared is to use all this information you’ve gathered about this person to find a way to connect after you’ve met. For example, he was introduced a man who was a huge baseball fan and, during their conversation, learned who his favorite player was. Having collected baseball cards as a kid – and still having the collection in his basement – Rock went home that evening, found this player’s card, and sent it to the man along with a hand-written note. Months later, when he next time visited the man in his office, Rock noticed the baseball card displayed proudly on the man’s desk.

And there you have it. Five simple but carefully worded questions (plus a bonus tip) that are both insightful and considerate to the listener as they let them provide answers in whatever way they wish without having to feel bad or defensive about what their answer are.

Let me offer a last example to underscore the importance of this.

The first time I heard Rock present his “Fab 5” a man in the room shared how, at a business party, a person had approached his wife and asked where she had gone to college. He then recounted how he watched her seem to fold in on herself because his wife had never gone to college and the question made her feel like she wasn’t worthy to be in the room with all these supposedly smart and degreed people (ironically, the man told us how his wife was just about the smartest person he’d ever met). Still, for me, this was an excellent illustration of how a seemingly innocent question had unintended consequences especially when you’re first getting to know someone.

Closing where we started, networking is really just a way to build relationships with others. Moreover, it fulfills a basic need that all of us have to connect and be a part of something bigger than ourselves, and so I think it’s something worth making time for.

I chuckle when I think back to the times when I would walk into a room full of strangers and fret over what to say or how to say it. In fact, I sometimes avoided networking events so as not have to deal with that awkwardness. But approaches like Rock’s “Fab 5” teach not only a viable way to go about networking, but illustrate the greater lesson that networking is really a fancy word for just getting to know other people. By asking simple questions and earnestly listening and looking for points of common interest, you’ll be amazed at the kinds of connections you make.

Know that I’m pulling for you!