So, Where’s Your Focus?

If you are depressed, you are living in the past.
If you are anxious, you are living in the future.
If you are at peace, you are living in the moment.

This quote, attributed at different times to philosopher Lao Tzu or Brazilian motivational speaker Junia Bretas (and occasionally to Warren Buffet) has a somewhat simplified but still generally insightful perspective that speaks to a person’s focus and how that reflects on their overall outlook on life.

I think if you take them at the extremes, there is a lot of truth to these three sentences… but hang in with me as I’m ultimately going to turn this around and offer a different take on all this. To start, however, let’s look at the statements as absolutes.

Someone who is focused all the time on what has come before is likely reflecting on something that did not go the way they wanted (a significant failure or missed opportunity) or perhaps is no longer available to them (a loved one who has passed on or perhaps their “glory years” in high school or college). This backwards-focused person is likely reflecting on some sense of loss which, in turn, can lead to feelings of depression. They long to return to an earlier, happier time.

At the other end of the continuum is someone who’s constantly looking forward, not necessarily anticipating the good that may come but rather worrying about what might happen. Will there be enough money to pay the bills, will they find a good job, how will they find that special someone and so on? The uncertainties of what lies ahead can lead to someone feeling anxious because of all the unknowns. The future isn’t something we look forward to but rather fear because we don’t know what is coming.

The final assumption is that someone who is living solely in the present is at peace and are therefore not consumed by anxiety or depression. Rather, they exist in the moment, appreciating what is before them and fully enjoying the realities of what is. Put another way, the lack of anxiety or depression infers that someone is at peace.

The Counterpoint

As with any really good and meaty topic, this one is not as simple or straightforward as the above may make it seem. For while I think these are fair interpretations of what these different points of focus can offer, I also feel that they don’t fully reflect the reality and should not be treated as absolutes.

So what’s the answer? For me, it’s finding the balance between all three.

Take living in the moment. I’ve lived through some pretty stressful things that were occurring in real time. Whether it someone passing away, the loss of a job or just a burned dinner, I’ve had plenty of unhappy moments in the present. True, unhappy does not necessarily mean not peaceful but I will go so far suggesting that a sense of contentedness is a component of being at peace and all of my examples here certainly lacked either and were not what I’d call peaceful.

As for looking to the past, I believe that we should never lose sight of where we’ve come from or the important lessons we’ve picked up along the way. The past has much to teach us and you hopefully have many happy and uplifting memories to draw upon. The caution is that to dwell constantly in the past means we miss the amazing things going on around us or, potentially, to miss opportunities because we fail to be looking out for them. So I think that returning to the past is both helpful and healthy but also in moderation.

Likewise, it can be foolish to always be a dreamer – or a worrier – who’s looking ahead but who then never does anything to change the direction they’re heading to help reach a more positive outcome. We need to picture the tomorrow we want to live in and then turn our attentions to getting there. That can be overwhelming to some, especially if they fear the uncertainty that tomorrow presents, but I firmly believe that such an attitude fails to reflect our own abilities to influence the course of events or, at a minimum, how we react to them.

Taken together, I would agree that we should spend the majority of our time in the present, taking in the moment and being a present and active participant in our own lives. But times of contemplative reflection – looking backwards or forwards – is also an important element in a happy life.

So, if I could immodestly suggest a new, fourth line to the quote, I would suggest it should be:

If you are depressed, you are living in the past.
If you are anxious, you are living in the future.
If you are at peace, you are living in the moment.
But if you are truly happy, then you are spending time in each

Know that I’m pulling for you.