EVERYONE Has Doubts

A few weeks ago, I had lunch with a woman who facilitates a study group for CEOs. Once a month, they come together for a day, hear a speaker on a particular topic of mutual interest, and then spend the rest of the time diving into issues that each of them are facing and want to review.

We spoke in generalities about these people but my colleague provided a reassuring perspective about these folks that I wanted to share (and which I’ll return to below).

Having been around any number of executives in my career, they generally come across as confident and decisive. Even when they don’t have the answers, the best ones still project an air of “I’ve got this” and do a good job to getting what they need to figure things out. It’s an exception to find a CEO who seems unsure of themselves or who expresses doubt. And those few who do typically do not last long in their role.

As I’ve thought about my own career, I’ve toyed with the idea of someday becoming a chief executive… but the thought never lasts for long. While I know I can make decisions, I also know that I’m always questioning what I have done and seeing if there might not be a better way. I expect that I could probably act the part of a CEO but I sense that I’d have these deep down insecurities and uncertainties which I’d be feeling all the time. I might well end up being a pretend CEO if I ever have the opportunity.

Which brings me back to my lunch discussion.

I was frankly curious what a room full of stereotypical Type A, alpha dog, take-no-prisoners personalities would be like and if, as moderator, my friend spent more time breaking up arguments than actually discussing topics of import. “Oh no,” she replied, “that’s not what it’s like at all.”

Instead, she shared that in her meetings, these high-powered executives are able to finally let their guard down and can talk about issues that they don’t know how to handle, questions that are keeping them up at night or even how they feel totally unprepared for the job they now hold. In short, they sounded a lot like how I imagined I’d feel in their place.

Did it surprise me to hear that? Upon reflection… well, not really. As I’ve written here before, I think we all have a tendency to question ourselves and to find ways that we’re lacking. When I see a successful leader and think “They’ve got this” it’s often because they act like they do. What this lunch conversation provided me, however, was some much-needed perspective.

There are times when I wish I could eavesdrop on what others are thinking, especially when I’m around these seemingly confident leaders. While they appear to have it all under control, do they really feel that way? I can accept that they don’t… they just need us to think that they do.

Why is that? Well, their own job security is probably part of it but then I got to thinking about what I need in times in high stress and uncertainty. I want to see my leader looking calm and projecting a sense that we’ll make it through whatever the current challenge is. I can draw upon their calm and confidence and help make our succeeding a reality.

So don’t sell yourself short. Instead, when you are called upon to lead and you don’t know the way, keep your calm as best you can and try to project confidence. It can be infectious and turn the desired outcome – to survive and succeed – a reality.

Know that I’m pulling for you!