I know a handful of people who exist at the extremes – either extremely confident or completely wracked with doubt – but the likelihood is that you’re like me and spend time up and down that confidence spectrum. You are therefore familiar with the tightrope walk most of us wrestle with every day when it comes to meaningful decisions – whether to trust or to rethink a decision.
Personally, I know this is something I’ve dealt with all my life and it continues to be a balancing act most days. Granted, I’m pretty confident in my knowledge and abilities, but I’ve also been proven wrong enough times to have some well-earned humility when it comes to the bigger decisions in life.
This gets even more complex when these are decisions that involve someone else, especially when we aren’t sure that they are correct in their thinking. It’s a challenge that each of us navigate regularly.
That said, I actually believe that this state of uncertainty can be good for us as it causes us to be reflective especially when it comes to the really important stuff. We know there’s a lot riding on those decisions, so it’s natural to give them additional thought and consideration, and to even revisit our previously-made decision to make sure it’s the right one.
What I’ve learned is that good decisions require intentional pauses – moments where we step back from certainty to examine things more closely. The key is knowing when to create those pauses and how to use them effectively.
This was especially true when I was younger, but I found that I wouldn’t always speak up when I had a question. I was afraid of seeming ignorant or of wasting people’s time. This happened a lot at work when I was just starting out. But, over time, I started to notice some patterns emerging. Sometimes, I’d find my question being asked by someone else in the room, and it was almost always welcomed and well-received. And in a few other instances, something I was afraid to bring up turned into an issue for us weeks or months down the road, and I realized that I could have prevented it had I just had more courage.
I know our instincts aren’t always correct, but I have found that listening to mine has proven to be very helpful along the way and so I will now always ask the questions. My gut has gotten good at sensing when something needs a closer look – when there’s a gap between what’s being presented and what feels right. It’s gotten so that it’s almost my calling card when I’m in meetings – “Does anyone have any questions? What about you, Chris?”
But creating a space for questions is only half the equation. While I tend to think I’m right, I know better than to act like I am because there’s a chance I might not be. As a result of that mindset, I’m always open to others asking questions or presenting a different point of view. I may not ultimately agree with them, but I will always hear them out. And I have developed a knack for trying to understand what’s prompting their question because, if I can see things through their eyes, I can get a different take on my decision and – just perhaps – see things in a way that cause me to change my mind.
Both behaviors serve the same purpose: they introduce productive friction into our decision-making. Whether I’m pausing to ask a question or staying open when others challenge my thinking, I’m creating space between impulse and action – space where better outcomes become possible.
Your gut will tell you when you have questions and you need to be comfortable getting answers for them (internally or externally); at the same time, you need to be accepting when others question the decisions you’re making and see it as a way to test – and maybe improve – the outcome.
Know that I’m pulling for you.
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