Fear Is a Poison One Feeds Oneself

The title to this post came from a story I was just reading. And while the story was certainly enjoyable, the specifics aren’t important. It was just that this line struck me as rather profound as it was uttered by one of the main characters in the book’s concluding chapters. It spoke several truths that I thought might be interesting to reflect on here.

The Nature of Fear

Fear certainly has a part to play in our lives and isn’t necessarily a bad thing. Rational fear has kept me out of trouble in any number of instances throughout my life. But fear can be harmful when it is irrational and/or it prevents us from taking steps outside of our normal existence. Fear them turns into something that limits us, and it can become harmful.

Feeding Our Own Fears

I’d challenge you to think of times when your fear has fed on itself and grown stronger as a result. We can get into these cycles of anxious thoughts and then reflecting upon them. Imagine a seven-year-old child who’s afraid of going into the dark basement despite all the reassurances that it’s perfectly safe and the same basement they see in the daytime. But it’s rare that this rational thinking can convince them that the proverbial boogeyman wasn’t waiting to jump out at any time. What’s more, to extend that example a bit more, they might avoid making trips to the basement as a result, which only serves to reinforce the fear.

In our society today, we also have plenty of external sources – I’m looking at you social media and the 24/7 news cycle – that can amplify our fears. And if it becomes pervasive enough, we may find our friends and family reflecting similar concerns right back at us, which only serve to reinforce our original concerns.

The Poison

Living in a perpetual state of fear can have a significant impact on our mental health and overall well being. I have had friends and family isolate themselves both physically and emotionally from those around them because of this fear. It’s a very real thing and it can be difficult to break away from.

What’s more, fear can limit our personal growth, and cause us to avoid the opportunities that come into our lives. My wife shared a story of a time in high school when she had this amazing opportunity to do a summer study program in something she loved. Her mom, while I think was well-intentioned, talked her out of doing it by pointing out all the things that could go wrong, and how she likely wouldn’t make it through the program. That might have been an example of parental “tough love” but it is one of the few things I hold against my mother-in-law as it had a real and lasting impact on my wife’s confidence that took her years to overcome.

Breaking the Cycle

As with many challenges, the first step is to recognize that it is happening. Seeing the pattern – of fear, avoidance, or sometimes defensive anger – can clue us in that something isn’t as it should be. And then once you’ve identified that your fear has an out-sized impact on your life, you can start to create techniques for confronting your fears constructively. For example, I know someone who is very logical in their thinking and they simply would objectively analyze their fears into oblivion by dissecting the situation and walking through the likely outcomes until the emotional piece was effectively neutered. Or in my own life, my acrophobia led me to intentionally challenge myself – sometimes to an extreme – so that I had proof of my ability to overcome (this ranged from volunteering to do roof work to doing a tandem skydive when I was 26).

Another important ingredient in this recipe for success is to make sure you recognize your progress and to build in resilience even when there may be set backs. Do not discount or discredit the progress you make, even if it’s not fully where you want it to be.

And, finally, don’t forget to tap into the the perspective and wisdom of others. Look for those people who you find that you admire, and engage with them for ideas and encouragement. Fear shared with another often loses a lot of its potency.

To Wrap Things Up

The profound truth in the statement “fear is a poison one feeds oneself” lies in its recognition of our agency. While we can’t always control what frightens us initially, we do have a choice in how we respond to that fear – whether we nurture it through avoidance and rumination or face it with courage and perspective.

Just as poison slowly diminishes our physical strength, unchecked fear gradually erodes our mental resilience and narrows our world. But unlike most poisons, this one requires our active participation to maintain its potency. When we recognize that we’re often the ones administering increasingly larger doses to ourselves – through the media we consume, the conversations we engage in, and the opportunities we decline – we also discover that we have the power to stop.

The journey to overcoming fear isn’t about eliminating it entirely. Rather, it’s about developing a healthier relationship with it. Understand and appreciate when fear serves us and when it limits us. By bringing conscious awareness to our fears, challenging them constructively, celebrating our progress, and drawing strength from others, we can transform fear from a self-administered poison into a tool for growth and self-discovery.

What fears might you be feeding today? And what first step could you take toward bringing them under your control instead?

Know that I’m pulling for you!