Like all of us, my life has been comprised of its fair share of ups-and-downs, with the occasional extreme high and low – the birth of my child, the death of my parents, landing a new job, being laid off, and so on. Life is comprised of a wide variety of experiences, some of which bring great joy while others weigh you down. And it’s those latter moments that I’ve been reflecting on this week.
Thankfully, I’m in a pretty good stretch right now. There aren’t these amazing highs but I think it’s fair to say things are solidly “good” at the moment – not great or perfect but, overall, there’s a lot more good than bad filling my days. But as I write those words, I’m also aware that this will eventually change and that there will likely be great sadness and despondency at some point in the future (and, beyond that, more joy and happiness… just to keep our perspective). And this brings me to the age-old question of why people must suffer.
For those with a more secular perspective, it can perhaps be seen as a natural rhythm of life such as I described above, with our lives filled with an ever-changing and evolving set of circumstances that trend both up-and-down. For those who have a more faith-based view, there’s still that cyclical element of life with its highs and lows, but there’s perhaps an added layer of asking why a loving God would permit the deep lows to enter our lives.
Regardless of which describes your own view of the world, I think there’s a philosophical perspective to consider as to what good can come from suffering and adversity. These times are certainly not enjoyable but I got to pondering if they might be ultimately beneficial to us and those around us.
Tempering: one of the many things I find fascinating is this concept of how metal benefits from tempering. After tempering, the metal becomes both harder and tougher, but it also becomes a bit more flexible. The highs and lows in our own lives – if approached properly can do the same for us. We become stronger for living through adversity, and have the opportunity to gain the perspective and wisdom that the bad will eventually pass. That, in turn, can allow us to flex when needed, to suffer the difficulties in knowing that there will come a time when that too will end.
Eat your vegetables: one of my parent’s top 5 favorite sayings of all time – “Eat your vegetables, Chris. They’re good for you.” But as a kid, I didn’t particularly like squash or spinach or carrots or lima beans (okay, I still don’t really like lima beans) but I did appreciate that they contained vitamins and other nutrients that kept me healthy and growing. And oftentimes, I find that the difficulties I face can teach me things about myself and the world around me that I would not have learned otherwise. It’s the old axiom that we learn more from our failures than from our successes because we are forced to actively find other solutions when things don’t go to plan.
Cultivating gratitude: when you don’t have something every day, it’s far easier to be appreciative when you do. Have an appliance break down? It sure is nice when it’s fixed. Have a friend or loved one move away? Isn’t it wonderful when you get to see them again? Likewise, when we go through difficult periods, it can help cultivate a deeper sense of gratitude for the good times when the do come around again. Experiencing the lows can help us appreciate the highs that much more. Suffering breeds gratitude for the positive things, no matter how small, when you make it through to the other side.
Find your inner strength: when things are not going well but you are able to find it in yourself to pick yourself up and keep going, you have the opportunity to discover these inner reserves of strength, courage and perseverance that you might not otherwise have realized that you possessed. Tough times provide the opportunity to surprise ourselves by what we are able to do. Ironically, these virtues often lie untapped until they are called upon out of necessity when the dark times are around us.
And there are more – building resilience, fostering empathy, motivating growth, defining what’s really important, and even strengthening relationships – can all come out of the worst times of our lives. It truly is up to us to decide what we will do. And it’s up to us to decide how we will face adversity. Have faith in yourself – and perhaps a higher power – and never forget that life means change. Just as the bad times come, so too will they pass. Never lose sight of that, or all that you’re capable of.
Know that I’m pulling for you.
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