Recently, I experienced one of those stretches in life that of wear on you. Nothing horrible, just things were tougher than usual. And it felt like it was coming from all sides – work, family/home, even our broader community.
Now, I’ve been around long enough that I know things are cyclical and that, with a bit of time and patience, things would get better. But that wasn’t enough in the moment. I was feeling anxious and had this low-level sense of worry that is not my norm. It affected my sleep, how I’m interacted with others and even my outlook on life. In short, I had a problem.
To put this in perspective, I was dealing with things that could have a pretty big impact on my life. A client was wrapping up with me (on good terms, thankfully). Still, they’d been with me since I started and it felt like my security blanket had gone missing. And, if I’m being fully honest, there was a loss of confidence as well – “what did I do wrong?” “Could I have done more or done things differently?” Then, the ultimate issue – I needed to figure out a way to replace the income that was leaving too.
Then with my family, both my spouse and my child were facing different but still long-term issues which, while not life-threatening, absolutely affected our quality of life. And both came with price tags that aren’t insignificant (see the part about replacing income above). So I found myself concerned about them, wanting to be supportive, but also feeling pressure to make sure we had the resources to do whatever it is that they ultimately needed.
On top of all that, there’s the normal “stuff” of life – the dog needs to go the vet. Our perfectly comfortable house is 35 years old and is need of some TLC that’s moving from nice-to-have to have-to-do. Plus, the circuit board on our refrigerator has gone out – thankfully, it still functions but there’s no way to adjust anything. Oh, and the kitchen faucet needs to be replaced.
So in the middle of all this, I got up one morning feeling assailed from all sides and went through the day with a feeling of low-level anxiety. As a result, I find that I was getting easily distracted, that my temper was a bit short and, worst of all, my thoughts keep coming back to a negative, worst-case scenario space.
For someone who regularly preaches having an optimistic POV, the irony of this situation wasn’t lost on me. But, true to form, I realized I needed to make some changes. So here’s the game plan I came up with, in the hopes that if/when you find yourself in a similar situation, perhaps you can adapt it to suit your needs:
- I needed to exert some control.
I realized that there was a sense of “poor me” with all the above and a feeling that things are happening to me. So the best solution? Start exerting control over what things I can.
For the client who’s about to leave, I finally did something on their behalf that I’d been wanting to for weeks. I wasn’t sure it’d mean anything in the long-run but, if nothing else, it let me hold my head up knowing that I kept delivering right up until the end. At home, there had been a small project I’ve been putting off so I took a short break at lunch and took care of it. Both things took me about 45 minutes to do, and at the end, I had concrete actions with measurable results. It felt good. - I wasn’t hanging out with the right thoughts
In the midst of all this, I realized that I was wallowing a bit in my misery (the “oh poor me”). And that’s actually okay so long as it’s done within reason. We need to be reflective and always be honest with ourselves, but that reflection should lead us to learn and improve, and not be a club that we use to keep beating ourselves down.
I also started looking at these issues from a different perspective (the topic of an earlier post). The client who’s leaving, due to their being my first, actually paid the least for my services. When I landed the next client, they actually paid me more and my long-term income actually rose. Or with my wife’s pains, there are no quick fixes but, thanks to the tests that were run, we had answers and started addressing the root causes (which ultimately helped). Perspective was key to both of these. - I needed to laugh
This is a logical extension to #2 but I think it is worth separating out because it is like getting a booster shot of positivity (hah – another post! I really should re-read my earlier stuff more often), Science has shown time-and-again that laughter is good for us. I need to go and experience the stuff that brings joy into my life.
Perhaps it’s watching a favorite comedy or hanging out with friends doing something positive but mindless. Whatever it is, recognize that you have this internal battery that needs to be recharged from time-to-time. - I reminded myself to have faith
I try not to get preachy here but I am a man of faith and that does play an important part in my life. Whatever your belief system is – or isn’t – I think it’s possible and important that we have faith in our lives.
If yours is a benevolent, higher power, then turn there and ask for help and guidance. If you’re of a more secular persuasion, then trust in the cyclical nature of life and know that what falls can come back up. But in both views, never lose sight that we will play a role in bringing that brighter future to reality.
Looking back over the period of time I write about here – and so many others like it before and since – I find that I’m glad that I didn’t post this right in the middle of everything that was happening. Not that this isn’t an important message; rather, by waiting until now, when most everything I wrote about has been worked through and is now part of my history, I have the perspective to look back and affirm to you that, yes, the days will get brighter and you will find a way forward especially if you can grant yourself the support you need to make it so.
Know that I’m pulling for you.
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