Are You a Do-Over or a Go-Forward Person?

I want to start this post by asking a question – what do you spend a lot of your time thinking about?

Are you usually looking towards the past and things that have happened and wondering what you might have done differently or missing what’s gone, or are you always looking at what’s coming down the road, thinking about what changes it may bring or how you might react to it?

For those of us who tend to be reflective in nature, I think it’s normal and healthy to think about our past. Maybe there are happy memories – maybe not – but we should never lose sight of our history as it truly defines who we are and informs what we may yet become. Likewise, those who are always looking ahead can be great planners and visionaries, painting a picture of what we may become.

The real risk, of course, is that it’s possible to get somewhat obsessed with one direction or the other. I’ve heard plenty of “if I only had the chance to do it over” from many friends and family over the years. Likewise, I hear people pining for a future they want but bemoaning the fact that it may never happen. Ironically, I can react negatively to both those sentiments and that’s what got me thinking about the theme for this post. I wanted to drill in a bit further to understand why I sometimes react this way and, not surprisingly, it has proven to be an insightful exercise.

Up First… The Rearview Mirror Crowd

Let’s start with the obvious and oft-cited “those who fail to study history are doomed to repeat it.” This suggests that if we always focus on what’s coming up, there’s a very good chance that we’ll miss the lessons our past experiences can teach us. Mistakes hurt while happy events can make us feel good… and reflecting on them both allow us to figure out guidelines for things we should and shouldn’t be doing.

What’s more, people who tend to be in the “if I could only go back and do it again” camp may truly be said to be analyzing the past and seeking to learn lessons from those experiences. We’re in football playoff season here in the US and you can bet that over the last few months, plenty of coaches and players have spent lots of time watching hours of the games just played, seeking to understand what the other teams are doing. There’s lessons to be learned in what’s already happened, just as in our own lives, thinking about what different paths we might have taken can help us prepare to do better in the future.

And Now… The Go Forward Folks

On the other side are the people who are always looking for the next challenge or obstacle, or the next wonderful experience. They are interested in what’s coming down the road, be it something good or bad, and their attention remains fixed forward. Whether optimist or pessimist, they may not reflect a lot what’s already behind them as that’s in the past and nothing more can be done to change it… but the future remains unwritten.

As a result, there’s often a sense of either excitement and/or worry about what’s to come as there’s that element of the uncertainty. Future thinkers’ thought energy is directed towards considering potential outcomes and planning for possibilities.

The Correct Answer is Balance

As with all things, I think the ultimate answer is to find balance between reflecting on the past and looking ahead to the future. We need both perspectives to learn, prepare and grow. The healthiest approach that I have found is being mindful of the present while incorporating the wisdom from our past and our aspirations for tomorrow.

Taking these positions to their extremes, if you choose to live in the past – for good or bad reasons – then you are missing out in taking part in the world around you. Likewise, if you’re a dreamer who is always imagining possible futures (again, for good or bad), that does not help you unless you take steps to achieve them.

Rather than exclusively having a do-over or go-forward mindset, I’d suggest that the best option is to have a be-present mindset. To look at the world around you and to be sure you are an active participant. But keep your awareness broad, reflecting on what has already happened and what you see as coming and then intentionally take steps to help create the future you’d like to see, drawing from the lessons learned in the past.

Should you find yourself wistful for friends and family who are no longer here (perhaps dwelling in happy memories of loved ones no longer with us), certainly embrace their memories but then seek out more people to bring into your life who bring similar feelings of happiness to you. Enrich your life – and others – by expanding the circle of those in it. Personally, my immediate family is almost all gone now but I am part of a large and loving family, some gained through marriage, some “adopted,” and as a result, I rarely feel alone. Yes, I miss my parents, grandparents, aunts and uncles, but I carry their memories with me and can share their stories with the nephews and nieces and in-laws whose company I now keep.

Similarly, if you are always dreaming of the future, you’ll likely be frustrated when it remains forever out of reach. Ask yourself what things you can start to do today that could bring that vision closer to reality. When I feel my most anxious and vulnerable, I find that I always feel better when I take concrete steps towards where I want to be. Understand that things likely won’t be solved overnight, but the steps you take today quickly become the memories of how you moved towards the future you want to become reality.

Still, I can appreciate the allure of focusing on the past or the future and those are not bad things in and of themselves. But don’t allow yourself to exist solely in those times. Remember that we live in the present, and that is what connects our history with our potential.

Whether you see yourself as more of a do-over, look-forward or be-present person, know that I’m pulling for you!