Never Have I Ever

To close out the year – and to start in on my next set of 100 posts – I thought I’d start with something a little more lightweight and fun.

Most of us have probably played some form of “Never Have I Ever” where people take turns sharing things they’ve never done. Even as an adult, most of my usual go-to items for this game are innocent but also kind of odd. To give you some examples, in all my decades on this planet, I have never…

• Drank a Dr. Pepper
• Or, for that matter, had a Mountain Dew
• Eaten a Butterfinger candy bar
• Attended a NFL game in person (though I have gone to college football games and seen most other professional sports live)

My list goes on but usually these first few result in some pretty strong disbelief in others as well as demands for an explanation. What’s more, there’s often an offer to rectify the situation on the spot, especially when it comes to the food-related things – “I’ll go buy you a Mountain Dew right now!” And I always politely turn these kind offers down. But why?

It’s a longer story but the short version is that, for a variety of reasons both good and bad, I didn’t make a lot of friends in school and happened to live in an area where there weren’t many opportunities to try a lot of these things. And, by the time I was able to, I just didn’t have much interest.

Now, as an adult, I look at these little factoids about my life and embrace them, not because they put distance between me and others, or out of some misguided notion that any of them make me a better person. Rather, these are all fairly innocent – but surprisingly memorable – ways to break out of the expected narrative and to engage with people more fully. Pretty much everyone I’ve ever told that I’ve never tasted a Dr. Pepper usually stops what they’re doing and looks at me a little strangely… and I’m good with that.

I’ve talked previously about how we all have routines and how, often, they’re beneficial for our day-to-day lives as a way to conserve our mental energy and let us focus on more important things. But at the same, falling too regularly into familiar patterns can result in time flying by without our really being aware of its passing. So I love when there’s the opportunity to engage in a unique, memorable way. And one way I’ve found to do that is to do something unexpected.

I have a salesperson buddy who swears by his cold outreach technique of physically sending someone a single shoe or glove or earring, with the offer to complete the set when they agree to meet. Whatever you make think of his technique, I’m willing to bet that the “I’m the person who sent you that shoe” introduction is likely to get some recognition.

When we break away from the norm – either on purpose or by accident – we catch people’s interest and make room for meaningful interaction. Their curiosity gives us a chance to share something real about ourselves. My lack of ever trying popular sodas and candy bars probably doesn’t say much that matters about me, but telling people about these holes in my background often gets fun conversations going.

So look at what makes you different, the assumptions that the world has that you don’t tend to match. If you sprinkle some of those unique things from your life into conversations once in awhile, they can be the perfect ingredient to turn small talk into richer dialogue. What quirks or surprises about you might catch someone’s interest enough to ask more questions and engage more deeply?

Of course, timing and context matter here; no one wants their norms ignored or boundaries disrespected. But with some care, opening up about the distinctive parts of your story can enable more connection.

Those lighthearted one-of-a-kind things that dot our days can become common ground between us and others, through which we grasp each other’s humanity more fully. So embrace the unexpected… and maybe even try to make it happen more. You never know what relationships it could lead to or what doors to meaning it might unlock.

Know that I’m pulling for you!