With this post, I officially cross the “century” mark. Incredible as it seems, this is the one hundredth entry of “What If” and, to celebrate, I’m sharing a post that I’ve been working on for over a year a little at a time. And I happily redirect the milestone spotlight to the incredible Mr. Fred Rogers.
(For those of you who have been with me for a while, this is broadly similar to a post I did four years ago about the Wisdom of Jim Henson, creator of the Muppets.)
What’s ironic is that both of these men – Jim Henson and Fred Rogers – are often viewed as a children’s entertainers. However, I find that they both offer as much to adults as they do to kids. In fact, in preparing for these posts, I’ve found them to be incredibly insightful and that the wisdom they offer is as applicable today as it was when they first shared them years ago.
Below are a selection of quotes from Fred Rogers many interviews and writings, followed with a brief insight from what I took from each one. I hope they prove as engaging and thought-provoking to you as they did for me.
Some days, doing “the best that we can” may still fall short of what we would like to be able to do, but life isn’t perfect – on any front – and doing what we can with what we have is the most we should expect of ourselves or anyone else.
What struck me here was the idea that our work isn’t an all-or-nothing proposition. Too often, I view what I do in very clear, black-and-white fashion. Did I succeed? If not, then I failed. But Mr. Rogers reminds us of the valuable lesson that progress is still progress, even if it doesn’t get us to quite where we wanted to be. But that single instance of failure is likely not to be the end – we’ll have more chances, and perhaps others we can call on, to help us get where we are wanting to be eventually.
I believe it’s a fact of life that what we have is less important than what we make out of what we have. The same holds true for families. It’s not how many people there are in a family that counts, but rather the feelings among the people who are there.
It’s very easy to focus more on what I we are missing or lacking so this quote is a great reminder to instead focus on what we have. And as someone who has lost a good number of family members over the years, Fred Rogers’ words about family struck home as a powerful reminder to embrace and cherish those who are in my life, while still holding dear the memories and lessons of those who are now gone.
Often when you think you’re at the end of something, you’re at the beginning of something else. I’ve felt that many times. My hope for all of us is that “the miles we go before we sleep” will be filled with all the feelings that come from deep caring – delight, sadness, joy, wisdom – and that in all the endings of our life, we will be able to see the new beginnings.
Boy, Mr. Rogers can go deep when he wants to but his insights resonate. I think we tend to see the big events in our lives an ending – moving out of our parent’s home, the loss of a job, or even happy events like getting married (which can mean surrendering some freedom and independence) – as marking an ending to what is known and familiar. But rather than being the conclusion of the story, these are really only chapters in the continuing saga our lives. And, when viewed that way, I think it allows us to look forward and be hopeful for what is coming next.
If the day ever came when we were able to accept ourselves and our children exactly as we and they are, then, I believe, we would have come very close to an ultimate understanding of what “good” parenting means. It’s a part of being human to fall short of that total acceptance – and often far short. But one of the most important gifts a parent can give a child is the gift of accepting that child’s uniqueness.
Whether you are a parent or not, the idea of granting one another the grace to try – and indeed fail – is an incredible gift. Too often, we expect perfection of ourselves and others but that mindset ignores the truth that when we do not succeed, we often learn the most. I just heard the story of Sara Blakely, founder of Spanx, whose dad always asked at the dinner table “So, what did you fail at today?” not to embarrass his family but rather to teach the lesson that failing is not only okay but an invaluable part of growth.
Listening is where love begins; listening to ourselves and then to our neighbors.
This advice has been repeated everywhere from the Bible to Stephen Covey – to first understand then to be understood… though Mr. Rogers takes this even further by pointing out that this includes listening to ourselves. Because listening leads to understanding and perspective which then broadens our knowledge and how we view the world. And that, my friends, can help us better connect with those around us which leads to caring and, eventually, love.
I hope you’re proud of yourself for the times you’ve said “yes” when all it meant was extra work for you and was seemingly helpful only to somebody else.
I believe that we are all called to be servant leaders, to put the needs of others before our own as often as we can. For if we all viewed the world as being our neighbor and were willing to help each other to the best of our abilities, we would, collectively, change our world irrevocably for the better.
To me, what makes someone successful is managing a healthy combination of wishing and doing. Wishing doesn’t make anything happen, but it certainly can be the start of some important happenings.
Or, in other words, be equal parts dreamer and doer. The dream will show us places we may never have imagined, while the doer is who will get us there. We need both aspects in our lives and they should live in balance, helping to keep our eyes lifted up while placing our feet firmly on the ground.
As human beings, our job in life is to help people realize how rare and valuable each one of us really is, that each of us has something that no one else has – or ever will have – something inside that is unique to all time. It’s our job to encourage each other to discover that uniqueness and to provide ways of developing its expression.
As a young man, I heard someone make the startling statement that each of us was a miracle come to life. That was pretty easy to shrug off but I stuck around while this person explained the incredible odds stacked against each of us being there at that very moment – that our daily routine had brought us to that spot at that very moment; that we had survived in our own lives long enough to be there; or that our parents (and grandparents and great-grandparents and so on) had met, fallen in love and had the children they had; to the incredible odds against life had developed the way it had on this planet. What this person was pointing out was that, by our very existence, we overcame inconceivable odds to exist in this place at that very moment. And, what’s more, we should see ourselves surrounded by other such miracles and live our lives accordingly.
If you could only sense how important you are to the lives of those you meet; how important you can be to the people you may never even dream of. There is something of yourself that you leave at every meeting with another person.
This one brought me up short. Like many of us, I think I tend to discount what I bring to others or to the world in general but the truth is that most of us are ignorant of the impact we have. I had lunch recently with a young man who’d interned at my company years ago and whom I helped mentor a bit. As we were catching up, he shared some advice I’d given him over a decade ago and told me how he’d never forgotten it… though I clearly had. It was a powerful reminder that every interaction we have is an opportunity to impact someone else and that we should strive to make our legacy one that lifts others up.
As different as we are from one another, as unique as each one of us is, we are much more the same than we are different. That may be the most essential message of all, as we help our children grow toward being caring, compassionate, and charitable adults.
As much as we talk about and celebrate our uniqueness, especially in Western cultures, we sometimes miss the point Mr. Rogers is making here… that there are commonalities that unite us all. We certainly have our own preferences, but how many people do not enjoy sitting down to a delicious meal when we are hungry, or spending time with a hobby or interest that captivates our attention, or people whose company we welcome. Yes, the specifics will differ for each of us, but these are shared experiences that most if not all of us can relate to. I find that when I am angry or confused or even disappointed with someone else, it helps to go back to these points of connection and then work my way forwards to try and understand their perspective. It doesn’t always work out but it is still a good reminder of what we share in common.
Imagine what our real neighborhoods would be like if each of us offered, as a matter of course, just one kind word to another person. There have been so many stories about the lack of courtesy, the impatience of today’s world, road rage and even restaurant rage. Sometimes, all it takes is one kind word to nourish another person. Think of the ripple effect that can be created when we nourish someone. One kind empathetic word has a wonderful way of turning into many.
I wanted to close with this particular quote because, if nothing else resonates here, this one bit of advice can have a huge impact in our lives and our world. It’s a simple habit to put in practice but can have major – and positive – repercussions everywhere we go. Saying or showing kindness to another person can change the trajectory of their day and inspire them to do the same for others. If enough of us keep planting these seeds of kindness along our paths, I cannot wait to see the world that comes to life as a result.
Know that I’m pulling for you… neighbor!
What If... 
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