Just Three Words…

I recently read three words that sent a chill up my back.

And sadly no, they weren’t something you want to hear like “I love you” or “you’re the winner”. Instead, I came across these words in an article that used the phrase of a “right-thinking person.”

On the surface, those words don’t seem all that scary, do they? But in context, what they conveyed was very troublesome to me because it represented an absolutist position that implied a condemnation of anyone who dared to think in a way other than the author. It clearly staked out what was the right and wrong on this particular issue.

To me, that can be a very troublesome place to find yourself. It’s when you look across the distance towards others who do not share your opinion and you feel nothing but disdain towards them. That nothing that they could say has merit or could possibly alter, or even nuance, what you are absolutely sure is true.

What’s interesting for me is I am a fairly confident person. I have little trouble making a decision and, once made, I’m happy to proceed down my chosen path without every looking back or second-guessing myself. But I have learned, all too often the hard way, that confidence should not be mistaken for correctness, at least not automatically. These two things are very different though they can eventually overlap but thinking that being confident is the same as being correct should not be our default setting.

I can often appreciate that there are others who hold a point of view the exact opposite of mine and who also feel equally confident that theirs is the right course of action. Acknowledging that can be the first step towards building a bridge and fostering understanding and respect if not, ultimately, agreement. Because if we do not listen to one another, then we choose not to hear a point of view that may challenge our own, then we are – in effect – telling the other person that their opinion holds no merit for us. That they are wrong and therefore the lesser for it.

You probably won’t be surprised to learn that the author of this article that so concerned me was making a political comment. They also happened to be taking a more liberal-leaning position but that matters little as I can easily think of conservative pundits who would have no problem uttering the same “right-thinking” phrase about what they see as their correct point of view. The irony is that this all-or-nothing position does little more than keep us separated, thinking our opposite number are uninformed at best and more likely idiots at worst. How can we make any progress in any meaningful way if we allow ourselves to not hear a disagreeing opinion?

To an extent, I do get it. We all like to be right. We like to be told that by others. But if someone suggests we aren’t, then it can feel like an attack on us, our intelligence, our beliefs and even our way of life. But if we can set those feelings aside and instead seek to understand the other’s point of view, I think our world would be a lot better place to live in.

I think this bears repeating… listening does not mean you are in agreement. Instead, it simply means you are trying to understand. And if both sides of an issue make that sincere attempt, then you are building a bridge of communication, even respect, from opposite sides of the river.

If nothing else, everyone is going to be smarter for taking part in that kind of dialogue, and we may even find that our own views are better thought out as a result. Just like exercising your muscles, by putting your beliefs to the test they will grow stronger because they have been challenged and met with resistance. And maybe, just maybe, we might find common ground with those whom we would otherwise accuse of “wrong-thinking.”

Know that I’m pulling for you.