MY Will Be Done!

We recently had the first (light) snow of the season and I was sitting at the breakfast table looking out the window at the trees and grass with their dusting of white. My wife had even set out some bird food in a feeder and, as I glanced over, I noticed that a squirrel was doing a very squirrel thing, stretching its body from the closest branch so that it could eat the bird seed. I became mildly annoyed thinking about how the food was meant for the birds so I got up, knocked on the window and scared the squirrel off… for a few minutes at least.

Later, I happened to glance back outside and I noticed this squirrel running around, picking up twigs and leaves, presumably to make its winter nest. And then it struck me. This creature is simply doing what nature intended for it to survive until spring. It was gathering supplies, building a safe nest and, yes, eating as much as it could to survive the coming cold. The “problem” I had at the breakfast table was entirely of my own making and had nothing to do with any evil intentions of this squirrel. I was expecting the world around me to conform to what I wanted, not necessarily what was best for others (though I will continue to hope that those goals align more often than not).

Staring at this squirrel, I then started to think about how many other places in my life do I feel anger or frustration because things don’t go the way I think they should. How often do I have an expectation of someone that doesn’t get met? And, being even more brutally introspective, do I have a socially-acceptable demeanor while, internally, I am thinking less kind and more judgmental thoughts?

I recalled doing homework with my son recently and getting frustrated because he wasn’t understanding the concept in the materials (and, belatedly, remembered his old principal’s wise observation that a student’s not learning something isn’t the student’s fault, but the teacher’s). Or how, when I was in the audience a few years ago watching a colleague give a presentation, that I couldn’t help but think where I’d have done things differently and, presumably, a little better (despite the fact that they conveyed the information they wanted and got compliments from the other attendees). Or how, whenever I see this particular clerk at the grocery store who never makes eye contact, I go out of my way to be friendly because I think somehow my modeling this is going to change her ingrained behavior (which is nothing more than me projecting my values and priorities on another person).

In all of these cases and likely countless others, I see examples of where I think something could be done differently – and better – and I make a judgement, even if it’s only in my mind. This pattern repeats itself over-and-over and is, to a degree, understandable. We live in our own heads and the running commentary in there is solely our own. We make plans, do our daily work and go about our lives trying to survive and thrive. But as is a theme in many of my posts, it seems the root of the issue comes down to not having a broad enough perspective.

I see the problem as two-fold – first, I become unhappy, maybe even a little angry, that something is not happening the way I think it should. And second, I then fail to consider the bigger picture and other, perhaps more important goals that were being met here. And often, I see myself taking action to bring the world back into alignment with what I wanted even at the cost of a potentially greater good. It’s potentially short-sighted and certainly feeds my own hubris.

And, somewhat absurdly, I went down this path after watching a squirrel. Still, it was a decent illustration. I grew frustrated when nature did not conform to my wishes. But from the squirrel’s perspective, it needs food to make it through the coming winter and it found a ready supply at our bird feeder. It had no way of knowing what our purpose was for putting the food out and should it even care? Challenging ourselves, wouldn’t feeding any hungry animal after the first snow of the season a good deed?

It’s going to take a while for me to internalize this one and I’m not sure how successful I will ultimately be with it. Still, I am thankful for that squirrel for reminding me of the mental bias that’s built into my perspective and of the almost unconscious judgements I make throughout the day. If nothing else, it’s a good reminder to pause and think about things from a different perspective and then to consciously decide what’s the appropriate actions to take.

Now I gotta go refill the bird feeder… but know that I’m pulling for you!