Tonight is New Years Eve and the year is down to its final hours. I have found myself being very reflective today and wanted to post one final entry to close out 2019.
As you may recall, I wrote a few months back about how our family lost someone very important to us. At the time, I spoke about how, even in death, there are lessons taught to those of us who remain… namely, to be more active participants in our own lives every day and to value the time that we have with one another.
After his death, life slowly started to get back to some semblance of a normal routine – including my posting here – until it happened again.
On Thanksgiving day, my father passed away after a lengthy illness. It was very peaceful and several of us were able to be there with him in the days leading up to his death. It was also a very sad time but we still took great comfort in knowing that his suffering had finally come to an end.
The following week, I was asked to give the eulogy at Dad’s funeral. It was the most difficult speech I’ve ever given but it was also an opportunity to reflect on an important life and all that I had learned from this man.
If you’ll indulge me, I’d like to post some of what I said that day, partly in tribute to my father but also to share some of the lessons he taught me and which I would like to impart to each of you.
My father was a first-generation American, born to two immigrants who did not have much in the way of a formal education. Dad was their only child and, it seemed at times, was forced to grow up faster than he otherwise might have.
At an early age, he took on responsibilities at the family store that you might expect an adult to handle and not an 11-year-old boy. But Dad was bright and responsible and, as he did throughout his life, took up the work of doing whatever needed to be done without complaint.
As I’ve reflected more about the life of my father, I was struck by how he dedicated himself to serving others. Ironically, as I was growing up, this wasn’t always apparent as Dad wasn’t big on showing emotions but, looking back now, I see all the love and caring that was expressed in everything he did. Here are just a few examples…
Dad would go in to work before sunrise every day so he could be home for dinner with the family every night. I saw how he cared for my Mom throughout their marriage but especially after she got sick. Or when, as a college freshmen, he transferred schools and moved back east to support my grandmother after my grandfather died unexpectedly. And then there are the countless charities and causes he supported over the years. Even after his retirement, Dad even got into “trouble” at two different minimum wage jobs for the amount of time he spent helping customers.
It wasn’t until I was much older and could look back to discern the patterns of his life that I realized how well Dad exemplified this ideal of being a servant to others. He lived that every day of his life but never, not once, drew any attention to that. It was something taught us by example.
There are so many other aspects of my father that we could talk about for hours but our time today simply won’t permit that. I will close, however, with a personal confession.
You see, when I was a teenager, I really didn’t like my Dad all that much. We butted heads on many things and I was convinced about how wrong he was on just about everything. In fact, I can remember one time where I was complaining – loudly – to my Mom about him. I can’t remember what the issue was but I do recall how worked up I felt.
After listening to me go on for a few minutes, Mom offered what was, at the time, the biggest insult of my life: “You are just like your father,” she’d said. You’d have thought she had slapped me the way my head snapped around and by the look of shock on my face.
As I’ve gotten older – and maybe a bit wiser – I look back on that exchange and realize that, what had once greatly offended me I now view as the best of compliments. I think every son measures himself against his father and, if I am even a little bit like my Dad , that is the highest praise I could ask for.
It’s funny how my father never really asked anyone for anything but I will make one final request in his memory. He taught us all so much, both in word and action, and by the love he showed in so many ways. I think we’d be in a better place if we could all, to the best of our abilities, live those lessons and share them with the world. In this way, he will live on in each of us and in the lives of everyone we encounter. I can think of no finer tribute to our friend and father.
I realize my words are a pale reflection of the man my father is, but I would – again – encourage each of us to use this as a reminder to really stop and look at the people in our lives. Every moment and every interaction with them is precious as our time on this earth is truly finite. Make sure you try and make the best of each day.
And so, as we bring another year to a close, I want to wish every one of you all the best in the year to come. Whatever 2020 has in store for us, know that I’m pulling for you.
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